England Rugby fans: Reasons to be cheerful

Billy Vunipola

There seems to be much doom and gloom amongst England Rugby fans at the moment, so here are some tongue-in-cheek reasons to be optimistic, responding directly to the various grumbling you’ll hear in the pub this weekend.

England’s pack is too lightweight
Lightweight? Don’t you mean nimble and wily? Remember that Eddie Jones led Japan to victory over the Springboks – THE notable achievement on his CV – and even Ben Youngs was taller than the average height of that Japanese pack. Size isn’t everything, as Eddie himself will tell you.

The Springbok forwards will steamroll England
That’s exactly what everyone is expecting, which is surely why it won’t happen. Do you really think Mastermind Eddie and his team of highly-paid analysts would send his lambs to the slaughter in such fashion? Two words. Rope. Dope.

England have too many injuries
Everyone knows that there are too many Rugby matches these days, and the players are exhausted. There’s nothing really at stake in these Autumn Internationals, so what better way to prepare for the long Rugby World Cup season than by resting your key men, keeping them fresh before unleashing them again in 2019? Do you really believe that Big Billy has broken his arm THREE times this year? And now Eddie has changed his mind about letting Manu loose again. That’s player welfare.

Ben Te’o has only played 27 minutes all season
As above, isn’t it great? He’ll be fresh as a daisy, physically and mentally ready to stop anyone coming down his channel, keeping the jersey warm for Manu at the World Cup.

There doesn’t seem to be a gameplan
That’s exactly what the gameplan is! Eddie is a tactical genius focused solely on winning the World Cup, so why would he reveal those tactics before the tournament and thus allow England’s rivals to analyse the playbook and find ways to stop it? What do you mean that England’s backs look like rabbits in headlights with ball in hand? They look like crafty poker players to me.

Eddie JonesI’ve lost faith in Eddie
In Eddie we trust! I think. Look at that face, he knows exactly what he’s doing.

So there you go, get behind England and have a great weekend!

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