Thanks for the response to the cartoon characters, some strong competition in that squad. I forgot to mention that efforts were made not to include more than one character from each cartoon, hence why there was only one Thundercat.
Onto a more seasonal theme this time – the Bearded XV – a very strong outfit, and one that will no doubt spark some more debate.
1. David Bellamy – Comfortable in the dark and animalistic underworld of the Front Row.
2. Brian Blessed – Booming voice would ensure line-out calls were never missed. Ferocious competitor with cracking chat in the bar afterwards.
3. S. Claus – That’s right, Santa puts the Christmas cheer away and knuckles down at tight-head. Would have to discover a nasty streak not seen before but a steady diet of mince pies and sherry should give him the necessary ballast.
4. W.G. Grace – As a cricketer should have a safe pair of hands at the line-out.
5. Ned Kelly – Every team needs a lock who is not afraid to push the rules a little and Ned more than fulfils this role. Tough and nasty, Ned brings the ‘dog’ to the pack that commentators always bang on about.
6. Osama Bin Laden – Organised and deadly. Has been likened to Richard Hill at his peak in his ability to go unnoticed through a game.
7. Russell Crowe (as Maximus Decimus Meridius) – Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife, The Gladiator brings a lot of intensity to the open-side. Not much fun though.
8. King Leonidas (300 guy) – Superb physical specimen with an incredible backs-to-the-walls attitude. Completes a formidable back-row. Takes his knocks well.
9. Jesus Christ – Mercurial talent although sometimes a bit soft on the opposition. Part of a solid Father/Son half-back combination.
10. God (c) – Literally nothing he can’t do. Has the unfair advantage of being able to control the conditions as well.
11. Merlin – Part of a magical back three
12. & 13. Z.Z. Top – I didn’t have the heart to split them up. Enjoy a good singing session after the game. Comedy value simply for the way they look.
14. Gandalf – Would be hampered by the banning of large sticks in the field of play still a valued member of the team.
15. Albus Dumbledore – Prodigious skill and knowledge. Never intimidated by the opposition and a good tutor for the younger players in the squad.
Charles Darwin was a strong shout for 8 but there were concerns about team spirit with him alongside Jesus and God. The Holy Spirit was also a contender to complete the Holy Trio in the backline (at 13), but I thought that might be taking things a bit far.
By Kemlo Longstaff