It’s World Cup time, and that means certain rugby truths are bound to occur. Here at TRB though, we want to delve a little deeper than the usual clichés – the likes of ‘you never know which France will turn up’ or ‘Richie McCaw is always offside’.
So, here is a list of eight more subtle things to watch out for as you soak up the feast of rugby over the next month and a half:
1. When commentating on Namibia the commentators will pay an unwarranted amount of attention to Jaques Burger because – let’s be honest – he is head and shoulders above every other player in a Namibia shirt.
2. While we’re on TV coverage, I’ve got to mention the absence of the Barnes-Harrison commentary box duopoly. I’m relieved that ITV have decided to go down a punditry route that combines ex-superstars, (see Wilkinson, Fitzpatrick, Woodward etc) with fine pundits who didn’t necessarily reach the same international heights, but have really excelled in their post-playing punditry (Flatman, Monye, Bayfield). Look out for some insightful analysis, illuminating anecdotes, and Nick Mullins’ considered and nuanced use of the English language.
3. Neil Jenkins will stalk the Welsh kicker when he’s taking a penalty, looking like a cross between Jack Nicholson in The Shining and Henry VIII in his post 1540 years where his young, Yorkist good looks had long left him. God bless you Neil.
4. Again, this is a high difficulty spot. Look out for the 32 NFL scouts trying to look inconspicuous when looking for talent in the rugby world after Jarryd Hayne’s achievements in San Francisco. (They don’t know the difference between League and Union, come on). They’ll be the ones with massive ring binders, confused at why the clock counts up, and they’ll love the ‘toughness’ of all the players because they’re not in pads.
5. France will somehow get to the semi-finals, although they will take an anarchists’ approach to tournament rugby by their third group game.
6. Companies will look to cash in on the World Cup, even though they’ve shown no interest in the sport previously. One day last week I walked into a fashion shop and a brewery’s factory store (it was a good party in the end) and they were both selling branded rugby balls.
7. Warren Gatland WILL play mind games. People WILL bite. And it WILL… not matter in the end.
8. And finally, the last thing to look for. The lesser-spotted home nation in a World Cup final. I reckon it’ll happen, but which one will it be?
Please do enjoy your World Cup responsibly. It is designed to be consumed with friends and family, whilst showing respect to fans from other teams.
By Figurative Pocket (@FigPocket)
As you know by now, we are hilarious, and you should be following us on Facebook and Twitter. 
9. Stuart Lanc will hold the most meaningless press conferences ever, stuffed full of empty management speak. Bonus points for marking down “owns the shirt”, “we know where we are as a group” and the bumper prize winner “credit in the bank”.
You could certainly get a good game of ‘bullsh*t bingo’ going with one of Stu’s press conferences
I’ll do my best to ignore Nick Mullins. I got my hopes up when he stopped commentating for the BBC that I’d never have to hear him again and was very disappointed during the last world cup. Still… At least Inverdale won’t be involved!
I love Inverdale. He’s like a real life Alan Partridge. So tragic.
Surely Garry Richardson out-Partridges Inverdale?
Inverdale is more Prince Phillip
After all the anti English propaganda (bullshit) put out by our Welsh ‘friends’ regarding the England team selection I hope the picture of Gatland above is replicated at the end of the England v Wales game…..wish them luck for the rest of their games however !! (being a Brit)
Wish Barnes and especially Brian Moore were in the commentary team