Fantasy Rugby: Halloween XV Revisited

Lord VoldemortLord Voldemort has made the side in our slightly revised selection

A couple of years on from the original Halloween XV, we open the debate once more.

1. Yeti – combines the hairy nature of the front row with the height and power needed for the modern day loose-head.

2. Cyclops – has one eye on the ball at all times during the set-piece, and all those years living in a cave has prepared him for the dark recesses of the front row.

3. The Blob – obvious choice for such a monstrous front row combination. Shorter and stockier than the loose-head, The Blob also has the advantage of being able to absorb any big engages and turn them to his benefit. Drawback: not good at getting around the park. Poor hands.

4. The Incredible Hulk – renowned for getting a little wound up at times, but like all good second rows, if he can control his aggression, he’ll be a veritable powerhouse in the scrum.

5. The Mummy – obvious candidate for number 2 jumper in the lineout with extra height and long arms. Fringe benefits also include a never-ending supply of tape and strapping for the team.

6. The Boogey man – the Richard Hill of the team. Doesn’t show up on the radar much, but strikes fear into the heart of any man when he pops up at the breakdown unannounced. Extra stealth option in the lineout.

7. Werewolf – scraps like a dog at the ruck and is always aggressive into contact. Drawback: dubious discipline and availability – sometimes bitey and only available once in a blue moon.

8. Frankenstein’s Monster – a unit at the back of the scrum with a no nonsense attitude and the ability to take knocks. Drawback: prone to being struck by lightning.

9. Ghost – elusive and nippy around the breakdown. Slips through tackles easily.

10. Dracula (c) – Very experienced performer with the added bonus of magic powers – an advantage at 10. Drawback: can often go AWOL in the game due to an inability to control his aggression and blood lust. Specialist gum shield required. Not good with midday kick-offs.

11. The Headless Horseman – his speed down the wing is facilitated by his eerie spectral horse. Drawback: can be a liability if he loses his head.

12. Medusa – the snake-haired Gorgon gives extra options at 12. Her steely glare can leave opponents turned to stone in defence. Continues the tradition of rubbish hairstyles amongst the backs.

13. Alien – his acid tongue and quick feet leave opponents in his wake. Resilient – will always get up when you least expect it.

14. Witch – fleet footed down the wing, especially with the aid of a flying broom. Makes a good post match brew.

15. Lord Voldemort – the ideal candidate to strike from the back, with speed, aggression and a canny ability to hang on in there just when you think he’s beaten. A pretty handy last line of defence as well, with all those Dark Arts.

8 thoughts on “Fantasy Rugby: Halloween XV Revisited

  1. Anyone seen the beast with eyeballs in his hands from Pan’s Labyrinth? He’d make a superb lumbering back-rower. Would be handy at the breakdown to stick his arm in and spot where the ball was lurking too.

  2. Whilst the front row is solid I’d leave the Blob on the bench to wear down opponents in the latter stages of the game and use Mr. Hyde’s bursts of power early on to destroy the opposition scrum

    The Mummy is a poor choice, Saxons material at best in my opinion. I think it would be better having Frankensteins monster adding a bit more grunt to the second row and utilising King Kong’s strength at the back of the scrum in No.8, supported of course by the shark from Jaws instead of the werewolf. This way, the shark can use his predatory skills at the breakdown and also while hunting down the opposition Fly Half.

    I think the werewolf would be much better in the centers, he can be the powerful one to rip through the tackles before offloading to the Alien who can begin to make those sniping breaks. My only other change would be to have the witch start on the bench with The Fly given the chance on the wing. Voldemort at the back is a magical touch.

    Of course, the coach needs to be assigned as well, and I think that Jigsaw from the Saw movies is the ideal candidate. Always looking at the bigger picture, supreme organisation and enough tools in the bag to make the side a threat.

  3. Frankenstein in the second row could be a good option, and King Kong or the mean Uncle in the Lion King might make a handy 8.

    The Fly is a bit lightweight for me, and I’d question the defensive capabilities – slightly concerned that he’d regularly be caught out of position.

  4. Scar was built like a crack-addict, no chance you’d play him at 8. Now Mustafa, he’d be a different consideration – but we’re not in Halloween territory anymore…!

    Chucky at scrum-half?

  5. See your point with the fly, perhaps The Leprechaun instead? Really opposed to the idea of the witch on the wing, put maybe she can have input as a nutritionist.

    Agree with Nick’s thoughts on Scar at No.8, he resembles a malnourished drug user, a lot like Pete Doherty. I love the idea of Chucky at Scrum Half, he does have a killer instinct that a 9 needs, plus we all know he is good with his hands.

  6. Id have to have in inc. hulk @ 6.

    I think Freddy kruger would lack the pace of Werewolf @ 7, but would be utterly mental @ the break down.

    Jason (Voorhees) from Friday the 13th @ no. 8, built like a brick shit house , could and would run through brick walls for you.

    Id like to have Pat Bateman from american physco @ 12/13. Big,strong and quick and intelligent but like all good centres, hes a certified maniac.

  7. I reckon that Godzilla has to get a place in the side! I’d recommend using him on the crash ball in the centres!

    Darth Vader would make an awesome flank the Force would come in very useful for breaking tackles.

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