With the festive season upon us, and after last year’s Christmas XV, Kemlo Longstaff and co have put together another treat – the Pantomime XV.
What do you think? Any notable omissions?
1. Ugly Sister
Big and gnarly, she is ideally suited to the front row. Prone to bouts of jealousy so need to be managed to ensure morale isn’t damaged.
2. Captain Hook
Has a habit of puncturing the ball when throwing in, but otherwise ideal man for this role.
3. Ugly Sister
Same as her loose-head sibling.
4. Giant (from Jack and the Beanstalk)
Unbeatable in the line-out, but prone to missing agile players. Feared enforcer.
5. Widow Twankey
Shores up the second row with the added bonus of washing the kit for the team every week.
6. Ali Baba
Has a secret weapon of being able to call on 40 thieves when the referee isn’t looking.
7. The Crocodile from Peter Pan
A monster at the breakdown, but the alarm clock he swallowed means the opposition can always hear him coming.
8. Fairy Godmother
Lack of pace is made up by being able to smack opponents over the head with her wand.
9. Genie in the Lamp
Limited to 3 players per match but capable of true magic.
10. Prince Charming
Not sure if he’s any good, but boy is he handsome.
Named after the best winger in England, Sinbad has great hands, pace and ability to beat a man with a swerve of the hips. Just pray he doesn’t get injured!
Brings a bit of magic and adventure to the centres. Prone to relying on luck and the scrum-half helping him out though.
13. Dick Whittington
This cockney brings experience and leadership to a young backline. Pet cat is team mascot.
14. Peter Pan
The evergreen youngster has real gas on the wing. Being able to fly helps.
15. Jack (from Jack and the Beanstalk)
Great at claiming things from height and evading tacklers.
To see the other articles in this series, click on Fantasy XVs.