Friday 18th September
Dear diary,
I’m about to show you my malevolent side here, y’know, like the one I accidentally let out in that press conference back in 2012 after we lost to the French Barbarians. But I reckon we’ve got the Boks. They’re old, over-confident, unprepared… I mean they were nearly not allowed to come to England for pete’s sake. Bring on tomorrow, the day the team, nay, the nation has been waiting for, Tenno Heika Banzai!
PS: Tanaka, thank goodness for Tanaka, he’s so good. I can’t wait to unleash our backs moves on the world, we’ve got faster hands than a pick pocket at the Bilderberg Conference!
Saturday 19th September
Dear diary,
I knew we had them. Our scrum was world class, I said. They laughed. They said we were just here for a holiday. Well who’s laughing now Sir Clive! Who’s laughing now!
Wow. We stunned the world today, diary, we stunned the world. To a man we were fantastic, this makes it worth it, all the trouble and strife. This is better than when we won in ’07, I mean Japan’s win ratio against South Africa: 100%. Do you hear me Nelson Mandela, Bafana Bafana, Braais, Vuvuzelas, Francois Pienaar – your boys took one hell of a beating today!
Tuesday 23rd September
Dear diary,
Right, we go again! Scotland tomorrow at Kingsholm. But between you and me, diary, the players are knackered, they’re bruised mentally and physically, I don’t know if we can do a follow up on the Scots. I’ve got to admit, I’m also wandering how many of my backline I can take with me to Cape Town, jeez Gomararu looks good, imagine how good he’d be without that abysmal goatee.
Wednesday 24th September
Dear diary,
Well…today did not go so well. Too worn out, frankly. But, I reckon we can still get out of this group, bonus points from the rest of our games and we’re golden! Just no more drop-goals, I still can’t get the 2003 final out of my head, and to make it worse every time I turn on the TV I see Jonny Wilkinson giving surprisingly prescient and informative punditry, while Sir Clive just reaches into a scrabble bag and throws words at the camera. Christ he’s annoying.
Until next time,
Eddie
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Actually, not entirely his adopted country as his mother is Japanese and he is fluent in the language.