A formidable back row
Following one or two questionable decisions in Brian Ashton’s England squad yesterday, here are some real issues to thrash out. Kemlo Longstaff and Mike Wallace have put together this bevy of belles and rather worryingly, I think I’d rather have Kelly Holmes over Iain Balshaw as the last line of defence.
With 50% of the world’s population to choose from, the Women’s XV has a large squad. Generally not the most attractive bunch but then I guess that’s not the point.
1. Fern Britton – Our very own Jason Leonard a.k.a. the big fun bus.
2. Jenna Jameson – Only a porn star will tolerate being called a hooker without running off crying. Unlikely to throw straight at a line out, obviously…
3. Ann Widdecombe – Front row enforcer. There to bully the opposition.
4. Jodie Kidd – Should dominate the lineout. Has a bit more grit to her than the average supermodel.
5. News Night’s Kirsty Wark – Liable to punch holes through any defence.
6. Charlie Dimmock – Unafraid to get her hands dirty, and toil on the floor. Sports bra would need to be provided to prevent serious injuries.
7. Dame Ellen MacArthur (cpt, obviously) – She’ll chase relentlessly around the pitch all day long. Emotional leader.
8. Margaret Thatcher – This No 8 is not for turning. Always up for playing the Pumas.
9. Lily Savage – Purely for chatting down the oppo…dubious whether she meets the selection criteria though, I admit.
10. Queen Elizabeth 1st – Vital in battle, great organiser. Proud to play for her country.
11. Marion Jones – If we allow dirty, rotten cheats in the team, she’s the girl for the wing.
12. Mary Magdelene – Elusive. Has God on her side.
13. Her Majesty, The Queen – Elegant, stylish running lines. Impossible to put down.
14. The Next model (name unknown) – With legs that long she must be rapid…question marks over her defence though.
15. Kelly Holmes – To chase down breakaway runners and nab them before they reach the line.
Surely a lot to debate in this selection!